I dont understand the feeling of love, just the term in general is confusing to me. Falling in love. Uhm excuse me but the only place i want fall is on my bed, falling asleep. The whole term is saying that once you fall in love you cant get up again. (referring to the always going to have some feelings for that person no matter how much you don't want to.) It's just another way to say "this isnt going to end well." The topic is just so awkward to talk about in in general but everyone always say "i love him" or "i love her" and i sorta just pisses me off because of the whole fact that I myself am a forever alone-e.
Feelings are just annoying as they are. Like ooh HAPPY now i'm pissed off! and sad! Like seriously brain make up your damn mind!
Why do we tend to hide out feelings? I:m not going to be a hypocrite or anything by saying i'm always truthful. because i'm not. No one besides me knows what i'm hiding behind my smile. seriosly. No music in the whole entire world that could make my feelings come out to someone other than myself. I have to hold everything back and I hate it, but i cant do anything about it i've always held in my feelings and i cant express. I feel like i'll be judged and I just don't know if i could ever handle being judged harshly again. I don't want to fall back into the bad life. I'm already half way there... And it scares me sometimes. In the beginning of 10th grade i was thinking of being pro-ana again and i just couldn't do it for too long. I cut at the end of 9th grade. and stopped before summer. But every now and then(a lot more than I thought) i like to dig my nails in my skin the leave scars but they don't last. i wish they did though. i would have hundreds on my arms and legs. I'm not going to go on about my life because there are things that I don't want to put out to the public.
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