At a loss for inspiration. So here's a short story :)

She open the door, looked in and was relieved that no one was there. She could finally have time to her self. After beckoning at peoples feet it was the best thing for her. But she forgot one thing. To check the closet. How could she forget the closet! She goes into the bathroom and starts to run a bubble-bath, then she hears a creak.

I saw her turn around and look towards the closet. She slowly reaches around the room until she finds a light switch. I stare at her right hand, which is holding a knife. "She's going to kill me!" I thought. I started to hide behind the coats and shirts. She started to open the closet door. She swung the knife around, as if to scare me. I can't be scared. That's not how this works. She starts to walk away, and gets undressed. She's still holding the knife, why is she holding the knife? That must be why i'm here!

She started to sink down into the tub, wetting her hair. She takes the knife (I wont go into the gory details.) and cuts her wrist, many times. her arm drops into the water and she turns pale. The water turned pink and she passed out. Sliding down into the water she ends up drowning. I stand still in the closet and panic. After my fathers death it was my turn to take over.

So I picked up her limp cold body out of the water and laid her down on a towel and dry her off. This was a very strange moment for me. I got her all dressed up in a pretty outfit. and placed her by the tub. Her soul was standing by my side, and I let her go. I walk out the room, through the kitchen, out the front door. And never went back there.

That was 3 years ago, since then I've dealt with many of these things. My husband, and two children understand. And when I die my kids will take on my job.

Who am I?

Who do you think I am?

Things That I Don't Understand

I dont understand the feeling of love, just the term in general is confusing to me. Falling in love. Uhm excuse me but the only place i want fall is on my bed, falling asleep. The whole term is saying that once you fall in love you cant get up again. (referring to the always going to have some feelings for that person no matter how much you don't want to.) It's just another way to say "this isnt going to end well."  The topic is just so awkward to talk about in in general but everyone always say "i love him" or "i love her" and i sorta just pisses me off because of the whole fact that I myself am a forever alone-e.

Feelings are just annoying as they are. Like ooh HAPPY now i'm pissed off! and sad! Like seriously brain make up your damn mind!
Why do we tend to hide out feelings? I:m not going to be a hypocrite or anything by saying i'm always truthful. because i'm not. No one besides me knows what i'm hiding behind my smile. seriosly. No music in the whole entire world that could make my feelings come out to someone other than myself. I have to hold everything back and I hate it, but i cant do anything about it i've always held in my feelings and i cant express. I feel like i'll be judged and I just don't know if i could ever handle being judged harshly again. I don't want to fall back into the bad life. I'm already half way there... And it scares me sometimes. In the beginning of 10th grade i was thinking of being pro-ana again and i just couldn't do it for too long. I cut at the end of 9th grade. and stopped before summer. But every now and then(a lot more than I thought) i like to dig my nails in my skin the leave scars but they don't last. i wish they did though. i would have hundreds on my arms and legs. I'm not going to go on about my life because there are things that I don't want to put out to the public.